The magic of dreams

This past Saturday there was a lot of discussion in class about dreams. Started off with a dream I had where there were a lot of snakes on the ground sitting up – my vision centered on one that was brown in color. Then the dream ended. Curious to know the meaning I asked George (guruji) to shed some light on it. Snakes mean a variety of things but what I didn’t know is they represent Mother Nature, i.e. the female energy in the universe. I knew snakes meant sexual energy but didn’t know that the maternal instinct is also represented through the snake. Then we continued on with where we had left off last time and started off with dreams.

We talked about how when we dream they are so real and in that state we are unwilling to believe anyone who tells us this indeed is a dream. The mind makes them real but how do we have a memory of the dream? Vedanta tells us that when asleep the mind is cut off from the world, meaning, there is no connection to this world of illusion and we are in that consciousness state. So what remembers we were dreaming and the contents of the dream? The consciousness does. As in the waking state, the consciousness – the supreme spirit that resides in all of us – quietly witnesses everything and remembers everything. So it got me thinking – is it possible that the consciousness stirs up memories of past lives or helps us see the future, whatever small glimpse?

A lot of us work things out in our dreams; we find answers to problems, get out of sticky situations and sometimes avert danger due to the things we dream. But could it be that sometimes our dreams show us glimpses of the past or warn us of any impending changes in our life?

Case in point, I was talking to Mom this morning and she told me – she and her coworker both dreamt that their boss was fired and she could sense a change coming to their department. How can two people have the exact same dream the same night?

Last night I dreamt I was in a building, what looked like the 7^th floor and it collapsed. I was in there with a few cousins and my brother and when the building came down; I remember hugging my brother and my cousin to each arm as if protecting them from any falling debris. All 3 of us successfully came out of the crash and the last thing I saw was us walking the streets of that town. Then the dream ended. A friend told me this morning it could represent escapism or being unhappy with a situation. But the coming out alive could also denote successfully fighting any problems. Then this morning, a close friend from India emailed me. In her dream she saw me in a lot of pain and she was so troubled she woke up and emailed me to make sure I was ok. I was fine but in my dream apparently I was fighting something. How did she know something was wrong? I refuse to believe this was a mere coincidence but of course don’t have the vision to understand anything more.

Are dreams connected? Meaning, if we were to keep a tab on them would we see a pattern? Is there a story being narrated or a message the universe is sending us? Or is it just a bunch of baloney our brain is subjecting us to in a state of sleep? Somehow I am inclined to believe the former.

Learnings from a new class

Due to President's Day, the church where Vedanta classes are normally held was closed so this past Saturday, we met at our teacher's apartment in the city. Let me start by saying that it was not at all what I expected. Better or worse? Well, just different, but then again what did I expect. The man is practically an Indian so it should have come as no surprise when I stepped into the door and could smell the familiar incense. Walking through the hallway, I was amazed at the art he had on the walls - various Indian decor, small idols of various Gods, Buddha paintings in the living room. There was a wall to wall library with every conceivable book on India, along with various religious paintings. George (teacher) walked me over to one stand in the living room that had a temple on it, made of wood. This wood he told me he picked up from various spots in the city, that people throw away from construction or other activities. The left over wood he then carved into a variety of forms to create a beautiful temple. I took a picture but due to improper lightning it may not show the best image. Nevertheless, I must share the intricate art work he did.

George then showed me an another temple that was constructed out of beads, that he painstakingly painted and put together. The decor, deities and paintings were perhaps to be expected but such beautiful artwork I really did not expect. Shortly thereafter, we were joined by other students and the class began.

Picking up where we left last week - we talked about discrimination against the pranamaya kosa or the vital-air-sheath. The pranamaya kosa does not have consciousness but consciousness comprises of the vital air sheath. The prana's primary function is to vitalize the mind and intellect and is the single faculty that binds our subtle body to our gross body. So it acts like a glue.

Next up is the manomaya kosa or discrimination against the mind. The most important thought in the mind is the "I" thought. All subsequent thoughts and actions are a result of this I thought. If in an individual, the I thought were to collapse, the mind would collapse and so would the world. The concept of "I-nes"s and "my-ness" are born and maintained in the manomaya kosa. All these I thoughts are witnessed by the consciousness. So the thoughts of my mind, my body, my intellect, my wife, my husband, my this and my that are all born and festered in the manomaya kosa.

Manomaya kosa pervades the pranamaya kosa, just as pranamaya kosa pervades the annamaya kosa. The mind can only perceive those things that are already known. What I do not know, I cannot think about. For that, we have the intellect.

The mind cannot be controlled unless we control our sense organs. So we should get away from sense objects in order to quieten the sense organs. There are two ways to do that - taking the stance of consciousness -- so constantly reinforcing the idea that you are the consciousness and everything else is a mirage or by practicing self-control. This would mean to not let anything create an imprint on the mind. (Of course a mixture of the two methods can also be practiced).

If you realize 'I AM' everything in this universe has an uncanny way of taking care of itself. The key is to drop the worry and let the universe work everything out for itself. Everything gets integrated but we are too busy worrying and pondering to let the universe work its magic.

Next up is Maya -- the illusion that this world is. All avidya or ignorance is Maya. Avidya is the cause of mind, a phenomenon that unlike the mind is not subject to time. Avidya veils the Atman and the result is the projection of the mind. To give an example, avidya is saying I don't know that that is a rope. The projection it causes as a result is the illusion of a snake. This is Maya. We superimpose the mind on the Atman and the result is a veiled approach to everything we see and do.

Therefore to get out of this rut, there is only one way - stop the churning, stop the mind, quieten it with anyway that best works for you.

Final thought of the day - before studying the world, study yourself. So don't criticize anything to see in someone else. Take care of yourself first before passing judgement on anyone else. That will be some exercise for the mind.

Stirring up responsibility, sadness & ethics

I cannot say Never Let Me Go is a bad book, no not at all, but I cannot even say it’s a book that everyone will enjoy. Firstly, it’s a story about relationships – the story of 3 friends who go through the same experiences but have different reactions to it. Yes, there is a suspense to it that although doesn’t shock you (partly because of the way it’s introduced) does make you uncomfortable if society were to reach such inhumane levels. The rate at which we are going though, it wouldn’t be surprising if such experiments were already underway.

It’s a sensitive story that by the end doesn’t make you sob but feels you leaving despondent. Kathy, the narrator sums up the feeling aptly when she says though the tears are free flowing, she isn’t sobbing. It’s a story about things we do even when we know the outcome won’t go our way, holding on to a feeling that maybe things will change, perhaps there is a way out, even when reality is staring us in the face. We have all been there, its human nature to hold on to hope and even at the cost of whopping disappointment we wouldn’t change that approach. Perhaps that’s just the way we are wired. I am sure there are practical people who view this world as either black or white but when it comes down to something they care about or losing someone they love, somehow that quintessential hope creeps in. I don’t think anyone is immune from it or devoid of it.

That said the story also stirs up some ethical discussion. It talks about how we choose to ignore what is ethically wrong if it promises to keep us or our loved ones safe. Take the case of Gitmo – as long as those inmates are not on US soil and we are safe and protected who cares if they are being water boarded or worse. At least they are in the shadows, not in front of us everyday reminding us of what is wrong with our world and for many reasons how far into violence we have plunged it. We talk about it for a day or two but eventually when it makes us uncomfortable we push it in the background and move on with our life as if nothing has happened.

Same is the case with the planet – we know Earth is in peril and if she decides to show her real face we are in big, big trouble. But in this case we don’t want to do anything until we are forced to. Why wait for a government or a nation or the world to do something? Why not do it because we are citizens of this Earth and keeping her from harm is our responsibility, just as we keep our children and our families safe? When will our I’s and mine’s become large enough to encompass not just our families but the wider notion of everything around us that we depend on? We plunder Earth for her resources but when it comes to being responsible for her we want no part in it. Really, how selfish can we be? Shove all the save the planet talk in the background but hey if you increase the price of that oil, I will be up in arms. Can’t we see that ultimately it’s all connected?

So if you like sensitive stories without happy endings, give Never Let Me Go a chance. Incidentally, the British made a movie of it too starring Keira Knightley & Carey Mulligan, not sure yet if I am keen on it.

Keeping in line with the somber tone, I have started Veronika Decides to Die, a Paulo Coehlo story, about a 24 year old woman who decides to die because of everything that is wrong with the world. More on that soon.

For now, enjoy the long weekend and the fleeting sunshine.

What a bad night’s sleep does to you! (Or I think maybe the reason)

Compounded by the late realization that I didn’t sleep well last night I got a chance to reflect on my morning. Yeah well, it wasn’t that bad but it was different – a few things didn’t go my way and I reacted in perhaps not the best way. I know better and disappointment reigns supreme.

First I missed the shuttle – the growing number of residents in my condo means more people trying to take the shuttle to transport themselves to the ferry/bus stop. Normally if you are down by 7.20 you are assured a seat for the 7.30 departure. Well, today that didn’t happen. So first reason to lose my cool.

Eventually I left, boarded a bus right away and things were looking up. I got on the bus to sit next to an older lady, well not so old, older than me lady. So I tell her excuse me so she could move the bag on the seat and she goes into slow motion. I am standing there and she takes foreverrrr to move this damn bag. Finally I sit down and adjust myself when she decides she needs to zip up her bag. So she moves her elbow all the way out almost stabbing my chest with it. OK, breath, breath, breath.

I wait for her to finish her little dance so I can put my lunch pail in the counter space behind the seat and between the windows. Just when I decide to do so, this lady wants to get up and sit back down – for no reason whatsoever and in the process elbows me hard. Strike 3 and I am done! I look at her and go “OK, what is the problem. Why are you pushing me around?” She looks at me innocently and says “I didn’t, I didn’t push you.” Yeah whatever. I just shake my head and look at the lady sitting across from me whose smile tells me she saw it all unfold. The rest of the ride was smooth (maybe because I made a stink) but it got me thinking what if I hadn’t lost my cool? In the battle of my mind and myself, clearly my mind won.

Walking to work I start thinking of how I could have better handled it. I could have just not said anything – well that’s not the most appropriate way though. Being kind and showing compassion doesn’t mean you let others walk all over you. You should stand up for your right – that is your dharma – but in a positive way. So maybe telling her nicely to stop pushing me around would have been a better way to go. I got angry and perhaps because of that I am still carrying her around. Not cool.

A conversation I had with my aunt this weekend reminded me I still have hope. Her yoga teacher told her whenever she let her mind win she simply had to tell herself she failed. And that meant she would get another chance to redeem herself. Awareness is the first step, patience the key.  

Vedanta learning once a week

Thanks to a friend, I discovered the Chinmaya Mission in New York and the work they do. With branches all over the world, they extend valuable teaching & understanding of Indian scriptures and texts, some of which are thousands of years old. For a while now I have been searching for some centers where Icould go to learn and further my spiritual growth. So I attended 2 of their classes so far and enjoyed them quite a bit. Since it seems for now that I will be attending them regularly, I thought to spend some space here and talk about what we are discussing and more importantly what I am learning. Hope you enjoy it.

Currently the class is reading Vivekachoodamani. You can read more about the book at the link but in a gist it talks about discriminating against your body, vitality, mind and intellect to arrive at the unrealized and ultimate concept of Aham Brahamasme or I am the universe. Each of us is the universe and as such we have unlimited potential but the mind and all the other faculties or koshas come in the way. We are too engrossed in the body and depend on it for all our identification. But we are not the body, we need to go deeper to understand what and who we really are. Once we go deeper, we meet several others who claim to be us but we have to discriminate against them too because when we apply reason and the universe’s logic we realize we are not these. The next, after the body, is our vitality or what we call prana. Our organs, our breathe remind us we are a living, breathing creature. So it would only be logical that we are our prana and it is our ultimate destination. But Sankaracharya says no, we are not these either and asks us to continue our journey further into the crevices where next we meet the mind – a very powerful tool that we mainly use destructively. The mind wanders, creates thoughts and builds fantasies that keep us tied to the world of Maya, this mirage, an illusion of life that we are living. So are we the mind? No, we already know we are not the mind. So we go further to find the intellect. Now, there is a lot of difference between the mind and the intellect. The mind is a combination of thoughts, perception, memory, emotion, will, imagination, etc. but the intellect is more concerned with reasoning, abstract thought, understanding, communication, reasoning and so forth. In Sanskrit intellect is called buddhi, a close resemblance to Buddha, which means the enlightened One. So are we the intellect? Nope, we are not.

We discriminate against all these until we finally arrive at the consciousness that we are, that each one of us is coming from and where ultimately we will all travel to. These other koshas – body, vitality, mind and intellect are merely tools given to us to realize the quintessential reality. Last class we finished discriminating against the body – anamaya kosha and the vitality – pranamaya kosha. Next up will be manamaya kosha (discrimination against the mind).

As is the case with everything, there are several schools of thought that promote the belief of realization. Vedanta (which means end of the Vedas) doesn’t negate any of these but instead classifies them into a hierarchy. In India, idol worship is rampant and most people visit the temple at least once a day to offer their prayers and perform sorts of rituals. This relationship, Vedanta calls, is that of the worshipper and the worshipped, i.e. bhakti (supreme deity) and the bhakt (worshipper). Problem, however, is most people take this relationship far too seriously and end their search here. They believe once they visit the temple or perform their daily dose of worship they will attain the truth. But it doesn’t work that way, does it now? This is the first step where 99% of the people are stuck. But we need to travel further up where we meet the Ramanuja school of thought, which promotes the belief that we are part of this universe. There is only one Brahman but it is characterized by its multiplicity. It also says that the 3 main scriptures – the Gita, Upanishads and the Brahma sutras should be interpreted in way that shows this unity in diversity, otherwise it would violate their consistency. The final theory is the Advaita or non-dualistic system of thought, which says Brahma satyaṃ jagat mithyā, jīvo brahmaiva nāparah — Brahman is the only truth, the world is an illusion, and there is ultimately no difference between Brahman and individual self.

Ultimately, I think, theories and schools of thoughts don’t really matter. They help you think, analyze and choose your way but if the first approach works for you opposed to the last one, I am no one to say it is wrong. As long as you are being transformed into something positive, the catalyst can only be good.

The first few chapters

From the moment I started reading Never Let Me Go, suspense hung in the air. There was something…different about the story, something I knew the narrator, Kathy was going to bring up soon. The story is about a boarding school in England, called Hailsham and Kathy narrates how it was like growing up there and the experiences she had. Currently she is much older and not living there anymore but the place has created an indelible mark on her and she is never really able to let it go. Hence perhaps the name, Never Let Me Go. She talks about two friends the most – Ruth & Tommy. Ruth is her best friend and Tommy is someone she talks to regularly at Hailsham about things she normally doesn’t bring up with her other friends, Ruth included.

Ruth has a very strong personality and it is clear she is the leader of their pack. Tommy starts off being noisy, throwing tantrums which means he is the target to some mean pranks by his fellow boarders. This doesn’t last too long and Tommy changes his attitude which results in him getting more respect from the others.

Currently a carer, Kathy carefully drops a line or two here about what was different about the boarding school but is careful to not divulge too much and keep you engrossed in her tale. All the children are constantly told they are different which means they have to behave more politely, not indulge in anything they are told not to, stay away from smoking – absolutely frowned upon – and in general keep all vices at bay. This morning, on the bus I came to the part where some of this was clear. I know now why the guardians and teachers at Hailsham would have ensured zero exposure to cigarettes and smoking if they could. I won’t reveal it but needless to say I want more!

My gut told me something was different about this book. So far, I am right. It is not an ordinary tale of love, romance or friendship. There is something peculiar going on in this story so I’ll keep plowing through. Let’s see what the suspense is all about. So far, yes going very well!

It works and I feel like an idiot!

After much frustration with downloading Never Let Me Go, I called Barnes & Noble on their customer support number. After a few minutes the friendly voice of Jason (no, sorry Robert) came up and he asked me how he could be of service. I explained the problem and he gave me a few options -- try downloading again -- nope didn't work. OK, let me delete them and re-add them he said -- would take 4 hours! Then he says, well why don't you turn it off and re-start the device? Voila! LOL! That's all it needed! Then he says, try to trouble shoot before you call us. Huh!? My god not only was I embarassed but he made me feel like a complete idiot!

On another note, Never Let Me Go; here I come!

Technology...the necessary evil!

It's been a while that these electronic reading gadgets have been out. For the longest while, I debated if I really wanted to buy one, because, well there is some magic to opening a book that would hitherto be lost. The smell of books, the flipping of pages, all are gone and instead replaced by a snazzy machine. Sort of like when you waited with bated breath for the mail man to bring you that letter which can now be sent in seconds via email. Yes, I didn't want to let go of the past. The biggest reason for giving up the books was saving the environment, imagine the number of trees that can be preserved now that we don't need as many pages. Wishful thinking? I think so too. They'll always figure out a way to burn this poor planet down. But I feel a bit of relief knowing I did my part. So yes, I succumbed to the e-readers!

For the most part, its a really great experience -- weighs about the same in your bag and hand. Picture is good, no strain on the eyes, long battery life blah blah blah. One big problem though -- it is technology which means sometimes the bloody thing won't work! Case in point, I went to bn.com and tried to buy a book -- the process for which was uber complicated. After 84657435438 attempts, I finally bought Never Let Me Go, a very different kind of story. Now, I am trying to download the blasted thing on the e-reader and it won't work due to several complications.

Firstly, it shows me only 34 pages. 34 pages!?! That in itself is ludicrous. Then, when I open the book it tells me there is some kind of error. Huh!? Needless to say I am soooo annoyed and am hoping this problem resolves itself so I can get into reading. If any of you know how to resolve this, please let me know. If not, I have to wait for those lazy reps from Barnes & Noble to tell me why their dumb app isn't supporting their own books! Grrr.

The Other Language

I am at a loss for words to describe the beauty of The Madman. So I am going to simply read, I recommend you do that too. The entire book is available for free online. Below is my favorite poem so far.

The Other Language

Three days after I was born, as I lay in my silken cradle, gazing with astonished dismay on the new world round about me, my mother spoke to the wet-nurse, saying, "How is my child?"

And the wet-nurse answered, "He does well madame, I have fed him three times; and never before have I seen a babe so young yet so gay."

And I was indignant; and I cried, "It is not true, mother; for my bed is hard, and the milk I have sucked is bitter to my mouth, and the odour of the breast is foul in my nostrils, and I am most miserable."

But my mother did not understand, nor did the nurse; for the language I spoke was that of the world from which I came.

And on the twenty-first day of my life, as I was being christened, the priest said to my mother, "You should indeed be happy, madame, that your son was born a christian."

And I was surprised, and I said to the priest, "Then your mother in Heaven should be unhappy, for you were not born a christian."

But the priest too did not understand my language.

And after seven moons, one day a soothsayer looked at me, and he said to my mother, "Your son will be a statesman and a great leader of men."

But I cried out, "That is a false prophecy; for I shall be a musician, and naught but a musician shall I be."

But even at that age my language was not understood -- and great was my astonishment.

And after three and thirty years, during which my mother, and the nurse, and the priest have all died, (the shadow of God be upon their spirits) the soothsayer still lives. And yesterday I met him near the gate of the temple; and while we were talking together he said, "I have always known you would become a great musician. Even in your infancy I prophesied and foretold your future."

And I believed him -- for now I too have forgotten the language of that other world.

Enchanted by something else...reading something else

Man’s Search for Meaning is truly a horrendous account of life inside a concentration camp but there are some key takeaways for me. In excellent businessy-style, I summarize them here:

n  In my life there is absolutely nothing to be complaining about

n  Though there are ups and downs, life as a whole is beautiful

n  If a catastrophe befell me (God forbid) and took everything from me, it still cannot rob me of my choice to react to the situation. So I can choose to be miserable or choose to put on a happy face and get on with it

The last point was the main reason for the author writing his story and I am happy he drove that point home with me.  The second part talks only about logotherapy, a new kind of therapy developed by the author – most of which was too complex for my insignificant brain to understand.

Moving on, I chose Madman by Kahlil Gibran. Don’t ask me why, besides not being able to find anything remotely sensible to read. My frustration was partly aggravated by the fact that I read a beautiful excerpt of an upcoming book 1857. This book was written, as the name suggests, in 1857 and is a firsthand account of a momentous event in the history of India as seen by an impoverished but learned young beggar-priest. This momentous event is the sepoy mutiny when all over India people were up in arms over the British rule. India didn’t achieve independence until 1947 so the 1857 mutiny while a historical account for the country, didn’t do much for the Raj.

Anyway, needless to say I am hunting this book down and have soldiers on the ground in Mumbai doing the dirty work for me as well. When I lay my hands on it, everything else will be dropped. Why, you shall ask. As I mentioned earlier an excellent excerpt fell in my lap and the story is about the first woman fighter in the history of India – Rani Lakshmibai of Jhansi. The article is so beautifully titled The Crossdressing Raja and Rani of Jhansi. Definitely recommend reading it if you like history and have some free time.

More on Madman tomorrow.