What is our true nature?

The book I’m reading advocates doing things without thought, just plunging into action. The protagonist starts to dance without paying regard to the tunes; her teacher starts to knit in bad ways. Why? Because it’s when you deviate from your normal path do you find who you really are. So, that got me thinking. Should I write badly? I take writing in the same vocation that these guys take dancing or knitting. Would something/someone decide to give me voice and speak of my dreams to me? Would it help me realize my inhibitions in not going down the road I should travel? Will someone show me how to set myself free and traverse the blue skies in happiness? Will my search of elements to placate the emptiness in my soul end?

Too many cooks spoil the broth or in my case too much thinking kills the fun. Rationality is a quality I possess in abundance and come what may I am sometimes at the unkind mercy of twisting and twirling every detail until it matches my practical eye. While in most cases this sort of analyzing helps me, it is also hindering me realize my true nature, because deny it as much there is another side to me. A free spirit who can roam without cares and do things that make the soul happy. Don’t you think we all have that?

I have a friend who dares to live this way, against the norm without regard for what tomorrow will bring. She unknowingly teaches me a lesson or two about the importance of just being. Logic is important but not so much as to overwhelm you and take the joy out of living. She lives her life just that way. By being. Not by creating a furor over things she considers are wrong but neither by resigning herself over it. In calm, soothing style and ways that you and I wouldn’t even think of she exudes her opinions or simply be’s.  

We might be quick to ask if she has any responsibility. No I say but is that really an excuse? If we decide to take the road less traveled and our loved ones fail to understand how essential the walk is to our development and realization, what worth is the love we share? I don’t want to sound preachy or tell anyone what to do. I guess the battle for me is to look for that tiny door lying somewhere in my soul and somehow slither in there to find for myself what lies behind it. Speculation is easy, action is hard. Advice is easy to impart, acting on that advice is much more difficult.

People tell me all the time, I see a lot of potential in you, why don’t you do something about it? In all honesty, I don’t know. Do I trust myself to do the things that I want to? Absolutely. Do I believe I have the courage, conviction, strength of character? I do not for a moment doubt it. Then what is it? What sort of fear underlies and triumphs all the other positive energy radiating around me? I fail to grasp.

I am not here analyzing myself, in fact I have truly decided to desist from that favorite past time. I look to the future but by being in the present. I have stopped asking the heavens for assistance and just looking at life on a day-to-day basis. Questions in my rational mind will always persist. I am simply trying not to answer them.