Compounded by the late realization that I didn’t sleep well last night I got a chance to reflect on my morning. Yeah well, it wasn’t that bad but it was different – a few things didn’t go my way and I reacted in perhaps not the best way. I know better and disappointment reigns supreme.
First I missed the shuttle – the growing number of residents in my condo means more people trying to take the shuttle to transport themselves to the ferry/bus stop. Normally if you are down by 7.20 you are assured a seat for the 7.30 departure. Well, today that didn’t happen. So first reason to lose my cool.
Eventually I left, boarded a bus right away and things were looking up. I got on the bus to sit next to an older lady, well not so old, older than me lady. So I tell her excuse me so she could move the bag on the seat and she goes into slow motion. I am standing there and she takes foreverrrr to move this damn bag. Finally I sit down and adjust myself when she decides she needs to zip up her bag. So she moves her elbow all the way out almost stabbing my chest with it. OK, breath, breath, breath.
I wait for her to finish her little dance so I can put my lunch pail in the counter space behind the seat and between the windows. Just when I decide to do so, this lady wants to get up and sit back down – for no reason whatsoever and in the process elbows me hard. Strike 3 and I am done! I look at her and go “OK, what is the problem. Why are you pushing me around?” She looks at me innocently and says “I didn’t, I didn’t push you.” Yeah whatever. I just shake my head and look at the lady sitting across from me whose smile tells me she saw it all unfold. The rest of the ride was smooth (maybe because I made a stink) but it got me thinking what if I hadn’t lost my cool? In the battle of my mind and myself, clearly my mind won.
Walking to work I start thinking of how I could have better handled it. I could have just not said anything – well that’s not the most appropriate way though. Being kind and showing compassion doesn’t mean you let others walk all over you. You should stand up for your right – that is your dharma – but in a positive way. So maybe telling her nicely to stop pushing me around would have been a better way to go. I got angry and perhaps because of that I am still carrying her around. Not cool.
A conversation I had with my aunt this weekend reminded me I still have hope. Her yoga teacher told her whenever she let her mind win she simply had to tell herself she failed. And that meant she would get another chance to redeem herself. Awareness is the first step, patience the key.
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25 Response to What a bad night’s sleep does to you! (Or I think maybe the reason)
IT'S A NATURAL RESPONSE BY ANOYONE TO GET ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE DELIBERATELY SETS ABOUT TO MAKE YOUR LIKE MISERABLE. ACTION - REPONSE. MISERABLE ACTION = MISERABLE RESPONSE. SORRY IF THAT'S WRONG BUT IT SEEMS THAT WHEN YOU ARE NICE YOU BECOME THE PUSH OVER. IGNORANT PEOPLE CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND THE RESPONSE THAT YOU THINK WOULD BE BETTER. THEY ARE TOO STUPID AND SORRY YOU NEED TO PUT IT TO THEM THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN UNDERSTAND. WE HAVE TO GET THEM ENLIGHTED. THIS PERSON THOUGH SEEMS NOT BE BE A NICE PERSON. A REASONABLE PERSON WOULD NOT SET ABOUT TO ELBOW SOMEONE IN THE CHEST ETC. THE ONLY THING IS TO SHOW THEM UP FOR THE IGNORAMUS THEY ARE. EMBARASS THEM. LESSON LEARNT.
I agree with MISERABLE ACTION = MISERABLE RESPONSE. Sometimes you have to give that kind of a response so that ignorant people learn a lesson in life and who knows you might have saved that persons life. If you hadn't embarrassed them they might do it to the wrong person like a Psycho Path and that person would not give them a verbal lesson it would be a physical lesson. So MISERABLE ACTION = MISERABLE RESPONSE is necessary.
I think that the fact that it stayed with you shows something good :) It shows your SELF wasn't happy with the reaction, because that's what it was a reaction to the moment. At moments like those I always remember that my mom tells me "if it doesn't feel good, it wasn't the right thing to do." It would be sad and a "wasted chance" if you hadn't been meditating on what could have been done differently. But you did, so give yourself credit for that :) and like the monks say: "regret and guilt, no good... learn from it and just don't do it again."
<3
I spent some time thinking about miserable action=miserable response and I don't know if I agree with it. I say don't know because I don't like making blanket statements but by giving her a miserable response I am making this about her when really it was about my action. I take it as a learning experience for myself and a fight I am engaged in with myself. Her actions are a catalyst to help make me better. For that moment I succumbed to the bad behaviour but yes, I agree its not a wasted chance if the action stayed with me and I realized next time I need to do better. The monks are sublime in their saying -- don't carry it around, just decide not to do it and move on. End of story.
I KNOW WARS ARE STARTED IN THE EXACT MANNER OF THE RESPONSE BY YOU YESTERDAY WHICH LEFT YOU FEELING NOT SO VERY GOOD. IF A CHILD IS BEHAVING BADLY DO YOU IGNORE AND MAKE IT ABOUT YOURSELF INSTEAD OF POINTING OUT TO THE CHILD THE ERR OF THEIR BEHAVIOUR. HOW DO WE LEARN IF IT IS NOT BROUGHT TO THE ATTENTION OF THE OFFENDOR.
Again I side with Chiggins. And maybe i was hasty in my first comments it could of been handled better. But when things like that are done to you I think we are faced with the responsibility to address it and not to let it go the question is more so how to we address it. Chiggins is right it is almost like a child behaving badly it needs to be addressed immediately so that the child will not do it again. It also depends on the gravity of the offense so for a criminal for example when they are arrested do we put handcuffs on them and lock them up or do we give them tea and rose petals and say you are forgiven. I must say that if you approached it differently Rupee it might have made you feel better and you would not of carried that feeling around all day but maybe you addressed it that way because the person that offended you needed to hear it that way and as I stated in my first comments that lady will think twice before she ever decides to do that to another individual and maybe the universe made you say it so forcefully because that person would of heard what you said but not listened. In other words she got what you said and I doubt she will ever ever do that again.
THANK YOU TEJULA!WE LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES. WHEN WE ARE BEHAVING BADLY WE SHOULD BE CALLED ON IT OR THIS BEHAVIOUR BECOMES A PART OF THE OFFENDOR'S BEHAVIOUR PATTERN. THEY BEGIN TO BELIEVE IT'S ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE IT'S ACCEPTED IN THE EVERYDAY ENCOUNTERS. THAT'S WHY BAD MANNERS IS ON THE RISE INSTEAD OF ON THE DECLINE. DO WE REJOICE IN BAD MANNERS. IS THIS WHAT WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN?
And to add to Chiggins statements here in the US you see more people acting badly because we have been letting to much slide. In other countries you don't see it as much because issues are addressed right away. Take our children in the states for example. Back in the days children were raised by not only their parents but society. If you did something wrong the neighbor down the street as well as your parents addressed it. It was more like the saying it Takes a Village to Raise a child. Currently here in the states people turn a blinds eye towards children when they see them acting badly as well as the parents. When you go to a lot of other countries the children are very respectful because they are still being taught old values. So essentially Rupee I am saying yesterday you was that woman's village and in my village we use a term called "OH HECK TO THE NO" LOL and that is what you said to her yesterday.
THIS APPLIES TO MALE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS. THE MEN BEHAVES VERY BAD AND WE REWARD WITH THE TITLE 'BAD BOY' AND THEN TELL THEM WE LOVE BAD BOYS. WE CAN GET WHAT WE WANT FROM THEM BY NOT ACCEPTING THEIR POOR BEHAVIOUR. WOMEN ARE NO LONGER RESPECTED BECAUSE WE DO NOT RESPECT OURSELVES AND DEMAND TO BE TREATED BETTER. WE WOULD RATHER CLAW AT OUR EACH OTHER TO GET THE BAD BAY.
Yep Chiggins and to add to bad boys take a rapper for example why is ok for a male to call me the B word and I dance at a party to the song and sing the song and want to be with the bad boy rapper and I accept it because you are .50 cents. I think not. But then when he treats you bad you sit and cry and wonder why.
THIS IS THE WORST IN THE EVOLUTION OF THE FEMALE. WE FOUGHT FOR RIGHTS AND RESPECT ONLY FOR THE GIRLS OF TODAY TO THROW AWAY THEIR RIGHTS FOR LOVE AND RESPECT. THEY JUST ARE TOO IMMATURE TO REALIZE THEY HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE EVERYTHING TO THEIR FAVOUR. ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. TAKE ACTION.
WE CREATE OUR REALITY AND THE REALITY THAT WE CHOOSE IS UNBELIEVABLE. WHY! WE SEEMS TO BE DRIVEN TO DESTROY ANY GOOD RELATIONSHIP
I am a mother also Chiggins and I think it stems from the saying we raise our daughters but we LOVE OUR SONS. Meaning with daughters we try to groom them to cook, clean, educate we try to give them direction and put a lot of work into them and then we turn around and with our sons a lot of mothers don't do those same things (other than enforcing education). So our daughters see the sort of unconditional love we show to our sons and thinks that it is ok. I don't think that we mean to do it but we do. And ultimately it is showing our daughters that boys actions (for ex. a mother or father will let their sons go out at 18 until midnight while their daughter will get a 10pm curfew or if john throws his jacket on the couch mom might pick it up for him but when jane throws hers on the couch mom calls jane to get her jacket off of the couch). These types of teachings carry on into their adult hood.
Oh and by the way Rupee look at what you started lol. We started with a reaction you had to a woman on the train and are now talking about why relationships go wrong smh.
Haha! I know right. Totally unexpected!
you are right Tejula on how we allow our sons a lot of privilege. I have two sons and I'm guilty. Why do you think we do that? Personally i have been asking myself that question. I am really trying to understand. I've been observing myself in action
I don't think you are as guilty as you think you are. You raised one son with a great sense of responsibility but with the other one you let it slide. In your case, its more a case of giving your husband a lot of privilege at your cost. And that perhaps goes back to what you said at the last time, you were conditioned as such and are unable to break the chain.
I'm very much like Allwyn we will love our spouses and will do anything to make them happy because in doing so it makes us happy. this is also misunderstood. i would change that for anything. That's who we are. Do I want to change that? No. Does he want to change that. Never. does that make us wrong? someone answer please.
We all love our spouses and its good to make them happy but how do you make your spouse happy if you are not?
you forgot that it makes me happy in making someone else happy.
Chiggins I have to meet you. OMG. I made that statement about Raising our daughters and loving our sons not to criticize other mothers I was making a statement about myself. I too am also loving 2 sons. I don't have any daughters but I was raised in a household with my mom, dad and a sister. So essentially I was raised in a household that is the opposite of mine. My parents had us cooking and cleaning since I was 5 yrs old and my sister was 7 I was actually so young I had to stand on a stepping stole to cook and wash dishes. We were responsible for everything and it was for 2 reasons. 1. So that we knew how to survive in the world and 2. Because my mother was always working and continuing her education and my dad always had 1 to 2 jobs. We had keys to the house before we were 10. I was able to take care of a home from top to bottom by the ripe old age of 9.
With my oldest son who is now 24 yrs old I spoiled to death. I didn't make him responsible for anything until the age of 13 when he first started washing dishes and cleaning his room but that was it. And as far as the dishes went it wasn't that often. When he became a teenager he rebelled during his senior year and lost his mind. That is when he found out that I was certifiable insane. I won but it was a bit of a war. He is doing better now and on his own but he still feels like the world owes him something.
My other son is 10 yrs younger than his brother. He is just 14. I decided to do it different to try to change what I did with my oldest. He wasn't spoiled to death. I gave him more freedom to be himself than I did with my oldest son. I will let you know Chiggins in a couple of years how he ends up but for right now he has a little bit of teenage attitude and normal growing pains but all in all decent. But he too walks around with a sense of someone owes him something.
I said all of this to say my parents raised my sister and I with a semi-perfect formula which I didn't use with my own sons and I think it was because they were boys and not girls.
I love our conversation and we will learn from our each other. perhaps that was meant to be. Imagine the lady being rude yesterday Rupee's response got us talking. I was the only girl in a housefull of 4 boys. loved them. I knew how to communicate with them. my father spoilt all of us. Looking back it was not good. responsibility must be taught. My father like myself tried to make every happy and when he passed some of my brothers did not know how to move on. I lost 2 brothers to car accidents they were sweet but were dependent on my father. Oh boy, am I protecting my sons because I do not want them to have the pain that my brothers experienced.
Very true Chiggins. And if we do make mistakes or do things right with our children and or spouses is totally based on past experiences. We try to correct things based on our past. It is the most important part of who we are as individuals. But I also think we are our own biggest critics. For all of our faults I am sure that others see the pluses.
THANK YOU TEJULA. I WAS ABLE TO HAVE AN EPIPHANY AND UNDERSTOOD THE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SONS WHO ARE GREAT SONS I MUST SAY. THANKS AGAIN.
Your welcome ;-).
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