Does the universe have a plan?

Now I’m not saying that I wish anything bad on me, on the contrary the only message I’m sending this universe finds itself wrapped in prosperity and happiness. But I’m on the cusp of flinging my arms up to the heavens and asking, how long must I endure? When does this torture end? When am I relieved of this? These mindless vocations aren’t going anywhere, aren’t doing anything, helping no one and driving me mad!

I know I should be glad I have a job – thank you universe – but my patience is running out. When does my purpose flash before me? All along I thought it would be like a sci-fi movie when the aliens land in their jazzy, gaudy, over the top saucers that my life’s purpose would flash before me. Or suddenly I would have this thought that would enable me to change the entire course of my life, kind of like the Buddha, I would find the purpose of my life by probing the depths of my empty mind. So far all I find is void.

This afternoon, I had to subject myself to one of the most unanticipated tortures of the week – the weekly meeting. For this reason alone, I hate Tuesdays and more and more so when the clock threatens to chime to 3 pm. These meetings, scheduled on my calendar for 30 minutes, always take 45 – 60 minutes.  Someone once suggested we extend them on our outlook calendar to their normal length so we wouldn’t wait with bated breath after 30 minutes for them to finish. Shortly afterward, I pictured myself in my boxing gloves and the person who suggested so as my punching bag. It was a really good work out!

At some point in the meeting today, my creative juices threatened to overflow and spill on everyone else in the room. I was afraid, since I didn’t know what form these juices would take – anger, hatred, silliness or something else I haven’t yet encountered. So I was faced with a challenge to transform the juices into something I was familiar with and that didn’t make mockery of myself and have me lose my job. Wasn’t easy at all but I managed to turn them into a sad poem. I called it “Utter Boredom”.

I’m laughing in my head

At how bored I really am

Pondering at the meaning of

This mindless meet

I realize I’m expected to sit through

And make intelligent comments too

But seriously

My mind isn’t cooperating

This universe has a plan for me

As it does for every being

My patience though is running out

And I need it to come in full view now

After the torture was done and I returned to my desk, I started wondering what if this universe having a plan for me was all b.s.? And what if there was no plan and my life would continue on the same trajectory? That thought was so scary, I left it right there and ran as fast as I could the other way. No, not brave enough to finish that.

Towards the end of my day, I received an email from an angry participant who claimed to have started the project but for one reason or another couldn’t finish it. His email ended with the words, “are you running a scam? If so, I will be very upset.”

Enough said.